it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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