Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
