In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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