I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
