Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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