Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize