i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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