Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
