It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
