he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
