Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
