Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
