ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
