My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
