Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
