He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
