I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
