PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize