can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
