you guys were way drunker than both of me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
