Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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