home. puking in laundry basket.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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