I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
