I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
