I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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