Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
