Just cropdusted the office
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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