I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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