I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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