I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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