just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
