my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
