she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
