Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
