So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
