I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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