4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
