So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude i'm inner monologue high
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
