My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
