Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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