i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
