I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
