All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
