this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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