I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
