Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
