I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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