I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
