I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
