I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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