32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
