you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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