How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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