I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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