Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
