it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
