Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
