Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
