So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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