So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
