we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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