She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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