I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
