Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
