So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
