Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i now understand why vodka
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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