I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
