I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
