toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
