i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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