i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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