Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
