Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize