Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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